The Omitted Memories

Found this in my old blog entries today. Thought it is something nice to read. :)
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The Omitted Memories
Posted on Monday, December 19, 2005

I love Barbie to death, because they talk to me. When I'm sad, I look at them and their eyes seem to be comforting me. From there onwards, I can't describe how obsessed I'm with Barbie. My colleague joked that she would buy a Barbie doll for me after her job confirmation. Funny, now everyone in the office knows I love Barbie.

I guess the love arises from my yet-to-grown-up-heart, which has always been longing for a sweet childhood but it's never fulfilled. I lived in a village, where people learned swimming in the drain, where we stole rambutan from the jungles, and we used to suffer alot especially due to extra pressure my grandpa put on my family. Dad was a poor worker but he did buy lots of toys for me... from ten-pin bowlings, yo-yo, to wooden piano, and etc. I remember we were not rich but dad and mom doted on me alot, despite how grandpa treated us.

At that time, when mom wanted to go to town, she would have no choice but to "keep" me in a wooden swing for hours. When I became older, she would put me in the “basket” of her bicycle and we went to town together... normally, just for a hair-cut. We reached the town at 12PM and after the hair-cut and some grocery purchase, it was evening already and she would ask uncle Eng, our neighbour who sold vege in town, to send me back in his motorbike. While Mom, she would cycle back, and reach home at 6 or 7PM. In the village, we did not have power supply, so after 7PM my grandpa and uncle would start the electric generator and we would have some dim light for 2 hours before getting onto bed.

There's certainly much tears than joys everytime when I recall the old memories...

Then, we moved to a better place, which I think, is the greatest decision my dad has made in life. Eventhough we were still poor, we live happily with less pressure, except for money. Dad has always been a tough man, he supported us with little income, and when knew that I like piano, he decided to send me for piano lesson. Later in my life, he bought a piano, which was really unexpected! All these, at that time, did not seem to mean anything to me. Now thinking back, he must have saved like hell in order to get me a piano!

And so, the story comes to the point that, I don't have a Barbie doll. In fact, I have not had a doll in my life at all. I dream of them, of course, but till today, till I fall in love so much with Barbie, I know, something in our life, is just for us to keep a distance, view from far, admire, but we would never get it. Or perhaps, if we have got the thing, it might be broken after sometime, or it might not seem as precious after a while.

I regret for not having a good childhood, but I respect and love my dad and mom for raising me up with their overly-burdened hands and shoulders. Now that I am working and staying away from home, I know it is not easy to make a living, and sometimes I do cry for the fear of having insufficient money- when the sense of insecurity hits me. What I want to achieve, in this present life, is, to support my family, and gradually, make their life a better life.